Week #40 5G

A cold sweat covered my face… I see his silhouette twisting and screaming as he falls… I woke up abruptly with a jolt. Another day all over again. I did the same routine I do everyday. Get out of bed and think the thoughts I always do, next time I will save him, even though I know it isn’t true. See, here’s the deal. Ever since I lost my son, I have been repeating the same day. I’ve never saved him. He always goes off the edge, tumbling, screaming. I wake up everyday with hope though and today feels different…

– Sebastian H

6 thoughts on “Week #40 5G”

  1. Hello Sebastian,
    WOW-you created a heartbreaking piece with this week’s prompt. I hope that your character finds the peace that has alluded them so far…
    Keep your creativity flowing!
    Francine (Team 100)
    Twin Cities, Minnesota USA

  2. Hello Sebastian,

    I like the idea of a person trapped in a time loop destined to repeat the same day over and over. It was something dealt with in the 1993 PG film, “Groundhog Day”. Phil had the same day over and over. He was able to change his life for the better until one day he woke on tomorrow.
    I wonder if you continue your story, would you have found the experience helped you?
    Keep writing and sharing your good ideas.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

  3. Oh, what a sad story, Sebastian, but you have told it very well indeed. The description is excellent. ‘A cold sweat covered my face’ and ‘I woke up abruptly with a jolt’ are particularly good. The way you describe your son falling is also very effective. The idea of repetition, and being trapped, comes out in the story very well too.

  4. Hi Sebastian!

    This was a harrowing tale. The opening line really sucked me into the horror of the narrator’s nightmare. I also thought the narrator’s voice was very distinct throughout, and I could picture an image of what this person is like. Personally, I imagined him to be a middle-aged man with a beard– though I think the story could be interpreted such that this person could be any parent.

    Great work on this and keep writing!

  5. Hello Sebastian,

    That is a beautifully crafted write-up for this week’s prompt, Sebastian! As I read the story, I didn’t expect the narrator to be describing the night mares as that of his own son’s death. Well, the story ends with a hope of him having a chance to feel better.
    Keep up the good work, Sebastian, and continue to write.

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