Week #45

“Yes sir… No sir… Sir I told you I’m not responsible for this incident!” I sighed as my boss and I argued back and forth. I looked up from the ground to see the mass of cars slowly sinking into the shore right before me. It’s like our business was getting flushed down the toilet. Salty aroma from the ocean swam in the air. The deafening sounds of seagulls nearly made my brain explode from utter frustration. I kicked the water to relieve my fuming mind, but boy did I make it worse… The cars came toppling down, one tin can after another then… Black.

– Audrey

It was an ordinary day. Bob was fishing while thinking was today his lucky day? All of a sudden he caught something, he couldn’t quite reel it in. He wondered to himself, is it the world’s biggest snapper? Had he just set a world record? Was he a wizard? He stuttered.

“H…h..h..how? Wh…wh…wh..what?” There was something slowly coming towards him. Was it an eagle was it a plane was it a….. “BOAT!” Bob screamed frantically running away from the shoreline. Was it the last breath he would ever take? Was this the end?

– Zoe

One more car and it would crack, one more car and it would fall, one more gram and lots of money would be wasted. The government was experimenting to make more land. They chose to make a car park right above deep water. While I sat on the bench starring. I saw it. I saw the ground crack. I saw thousands of dollars sink into the water. I saw some people in the cars dying. But there was no time to call the ambulance. The experiment had failed. What would happen now?…

– Annabelle

5 thoughts on “Week #45”

  1. Congratulations on your response to this week’s challenge Audrey. I loved your choice of words; and your turn of phrase, which added depth to your text by involving my senses. This is a strong piece of writing. Well done!

  2. Congratulations on your response to this prompt Zoe. You built your text from an ordinary situation to the tension of an unusual situation with clever use of questions. It was like being in the situation with your character. Check the punctuation rules for when a character is thinking, or wondering or speaking. You left me wondering if is really was the end?

  3. Congratulations on your response to this 100WC challenge Annabelle. It was an interesting premise that the government was experimenting with making land, and more parking. It is a interesting link to two current world issues. Well done! The repetition of the phrase ‘one more’ in the first sentence, and the repetition ‘I saw’, was a great author’s device to use. I can see the effort you are putting into developing the craft of writing.

    1. Thank you so much.
      Our students appreciated your time and feedback on their writing.

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